Happiness Trap: Circling the Career Track

Many women in business get caught driving toward a career goal, not open to options that would allow greater personal life harmony. Like race horses with blinders, professional women often forget about everything else as they race toward work-related finish lines, not knowing what they are passing by, and in some cases, what they are passing up.

In my book What Happy Women Know, I talk about Shelly Taylor’s research on the female stress response.  Women are inclined to “tend or mend” as opposed to males, who exhibit a “fight or flight” response.  Also, women’s brains develop differently then men’s as the female prefrontal cortex, according to Luanne Brizendine, MD, matures earlier, affording women greater patience. Combined with a female focus on relationships, women sometimes neglect their own personal lives to dedicate themselves to “tending and mending” at work or for others.

The guilt of not doing their best with tending and mending can be a source of dissatisfaction, dysfunctional as it may be, and often comes at the expense of having children or a full life of their own. Lack of success in a life of career devotion frequently can be explained by choices made to conform to other people’s dreams, or made in haste to avoid disapproval. While onlookers can make suggestions to these women, the best outcome is to help them focus more on their own fulfillment.

Here’s how to help yourself or others:

• Increase your awareness of the preprogramming you have been exposed to through the media, your family and friends that guide your choices.
• Look at your life as a bigger picture, before missing opportunities, by sharing your concerns with trusted peer groups, mentors, coaches and colleagues who share a similar passion for a professional career and a rich personal life.
• Question your basic emotions around relationships that may be driving you and which can cause conflicted feelings or guilt.
• Learn and use personal affirmations and self assessment tools to support what is truly right for you.

Re-establishing healthy work life happiness is always possible, even after entrenching oneself in an imbalanced career heavy life for years.  Five key ways are: 1. Reorganize to work smarter not harder.  2. Nurture personal life by scheduling social time and allowing space to rejuvenate. 3. Encourage yourself with positive self talk.  4. Help co-workers adjust by politely setting better limits. 5. Believe in yourself.

Florida Conference for Women speaker Cathy Greenberg's books are mainstays for executives who seek to harness the power of happiness in the workplace. Named a "Top 100 Leadership Coach" by Executive Excellence Magazine, 2008 she is a business talk show host on Voice America and founder of h2c, LLC Happy Companies Healthy People, a beacon for successful leaders. All registered attendees of the Florida Conference for Women will receive a FREE copy of her latest book, What Happy Working Mothers Know.